I recently worked with a group of leaders within the retail industry in Johannesburg. I was again reminded of the story of the Slob and the Nag as I worked with them. As always, the model seems to challenge those who hear it.
There was once a psychologist who had a woman come to see him.
“My husband is a slob.” she exclaimed. “He gets home, sits on his lazy boy, drinks his beer and plays with his remote” she continued, visibly frustrated and hurt at the absence of a loving husband.
The psychologist approaches the husband.
“What!” he shouts, “that woman is a nag! she nag’s all the time...” he explains.
The vicious cycle is apparent. The more he slobs the more she nags. The more she nags, the more he slobs. So who must change?
The males usually say the nag and the females say the slob! They eventually settle on the answer that it is in fact both who must change.
My next questions is - ‘who must change first?’
To which we continue our debate on the role of husbands and wives in marriage...
The answer is the nag must change first.
Why?
Because she went to the psychologist in the first place. The nag is the one who is being affected most by the slob nag dynamic between her and her husband. The consequences are therefore greater for her if she does not change. She is affected by the problem.
That is sometimes the upside down nature of leadership. Often there is an issue you face which may be ‘someone else’s fault’. Your logic and your actions are that that person must change. You become the nag and they become the slob. So who must change?
How difficult is it to be the initiator of change in situations where you feel wronged? In those moments you naturally ask yourself why you should change. It simply is not fair.
You change first because you value yourself. You change first because you are affected by the problem and that has consequences for you. You change because no matter what the context you are a leader.
The nag has few choices. Take away the TV. Take away the lazy boy. Have a honest conversation... all of which may yield no results. The trick is to be creative and never stop after one go!
Be creative as you attempt to shift the cycle. But remain positive and keep your eyes on the possibilities. For yourself and for those you impact.