How to escape escapism

[Disclaimer: the following blog post does not mean that you should not leave your current context. Please just consider it before you do!]

Jerry Seinfeld recently tweeted ‘where do forest workers go to escape from it all!?’ One of the definitions of escape is - ‘to get free of’ or ‘break away from’ something. We’ve all, at some point, felt that need to escape and just be away from it all - businesses, jobs, relationships, marriages etc. Not so?

Perhaps, however, the only thing we should escape from is escapism itself.

This may just be me, but I find my desire to escape is most heightened when I am bored, un-stimulated, imagining alternate scenario’s I think will be more fulfilling or I am literally just sick and tired. I have found that considering the following questions have helped me escape escapism:

• How energised am I?

When we are low on energy our perspective shifts into negative gear. Escapism becomes tempting. You are responsible for your own energy management - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am amazed at how a simple bit of exercise allows me to look at my situation differently and thus approach it in new ways.

• Am I living intentionally??

What we most need to do is also what we are least likely to do. Often when we live in a reactionary way finding ourselves at the mercy of what the environment dishes out to us. With the feeling of lack of time and space, the obvious solution is escape. Wrong. The way out is to be intentional about what we most need to do daily despite whatever habitual patterns or negative cycles it might mean you have to break.

3. Am I connected to the ‘why’

If we are unsure about why we are doing what we are doing we will experience doubt. Why did you start what you did in the first place? What was your vision? In a world where it is so easy to focus on ourselves, being connected to the why helps us focus on others and how we can contribute.

In a nutshell, sometimes the only way around is through. Your context may feel like a trial. That trial could be an opportunity to develop your character as you persevere and try new ways of engaging with whatever is causing your need to escape. It may be preparing you for the next level which requires greater capacity.

All the best escaping escapism.

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Travis Gale has spent the last 5 years running his own development business in South Africa’s corporate world and is currently involved in various long term partnerships with clients across a number of industries. Furthermore he has travelled to conferences internationally hunting down latest trends and insights. Having cycled around the world and survived a tsunami, his passion for crossing borders often lends itself to an interesting blend of stories and insight. He sees himself as a ‘change catalyst’ and displays strength in facilitating insight into the right spaces. Find out more at www.appletreelive.com

Can you hear Him?

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

God is speaking ...

As leaders we need to hear God, we are at the end of the day, wanting to serve Him in the way we lead, and use our leadership gift to serve others. And He wants to lead and guide us, he wants to speak to us.

But so often we struggle to hear.

Maybe we are hoping that we will hear God’s booming voice loud and clear, telling us what to do.

However it never seems to be like that with God. But the promise is that God is speaking, so maybe we need to try things differently. Maybe God’s voice is drowned out by all the noise around us.

This scripture tells a similar story:

1 Kings 19:11-13 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

We have winds of work and stress, earthquakes of hurry, fires that burn with the desire for instant answers and solutions. But God so often comes as a gentle whisper, and these things drown out His voice. We can so easily miss it if we don’t take a step back, remove the noise and listen for the whisper...

Have you ever taken time out in silence and solitude?

In his book ‘Leading On Empty,’ Wayne Cordeiro says that there are only four ways to live your life:

1. Reaction – passively dominated by urgencies and pushy people.

2. Conformity – succumbing to the fear of man and just being and doing what everyone else wants, which is not necessarily following God’s will for you personally.

3. Independence – nonconforming rebellion in the name of freedom, marked by doing only what you want and ignoring godly authority over you.

4. Intentionality – reverse-engineering your life and living it prayerfully and purposefully, journaling your thoughts throughout the day, and using silence and solitude to hear from God and organize your life.

How are you living your life now? Where would you like to be?

Why not try things differently from now on? Instead of wanting God to shout above the noise, why not try turning off the noise and listening for the whisper?
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Don Muller has spent the last 4 years working into corporate and church leadership development and training both locally and internationally. He has a passion for and works towards seeing individuals live out their strengths and calling daily.

Perspective is an Interesting Thing

Over the past two days I have worked with a great group of people where the topic of perspective was spoken about at length. A bit of context: The company I am partnering has 4 values, one of which is 'PASSION'. We know that a value such as passion can't be taught. In fact we hardly speak about passion. We talk about perspective: Because (positive) perspective determines passion.

Perspective is liberating. Our thoughts and our actions (which end up as reality) are determined by our perspective. It is so easy to slip into a negative perspective. A colleague once said 'Nothing in life has meaning except the meaning that you give it'. What this means is that there is so much which wells beneath the surface when it comes to our perspectives. The more I work with it the more I see the following 3 areas in our lives either breaking perspective down or building it up.

1. Our own self talk
What we tell ourselves determined how we feel about it and what we do about it. Simple! We need to check our own 'internal language' and make sure that we are having positive conversations with ourselves.
• Right now what are you saying to yourself?
• If you had to access your internal conversations with yourself how would you describe your language?

2. Our limiting beliefs
What you have experienced in life has a huge bearing on what your perspective is at any given moment. As we experience life we develop our own lists of 'I can' and 'I can't'. So often the I cant's are simply a perceived reality which is not necessarily true. Anything that begins with an attitude of 'I can't' has already being marked with failure.
• What do you fear most? how real are those fears in reality?
• What can you do today that you would normally shy away from because of perceived beliefs? (do it and watch what happens!)

3. Lack of knowledge
I haven't saved the least for last here. This is one of the easiest to work with. Build knowledge. Lack of knowledge leads to assumption. Assumption and Perspective are enemies!
• What can you read that is relevant to your context in order to build knowledge?
• Who do you need to speak to (what questions do you need to ask) to minimize perceived assumptions that exist?

We all want to feel passionate at the end of the day. Rather than wait on the environment to make you feel that way, why not use your own influence over your own perspective and see what happens.

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Travis Gale has spent the last 5 years running his own development business in South Africa’s corporate world and is currently involved in various long term partnerships with clients across a number of industries. Furthermore he has travelled to conferences internationally hunting down latest trends and insights. Having cycled around the world and survived a tsunami, his passion for crossing borders often lends itself to an interesting blend of stories and insight. He sees himself as a ‘change catalyst’ and displays strength in facilitating insight into the right spaces. Find out more at www.appletreelive.com

Feel ‘it’. It is here.

Right now where’s your headspace? Past, present or future?

Reading the most common quotes leaves you with an overwhelming sense of encouragement to live in the present. In the now! In leadership, I have come to realise that this balance of engaging with all three of those arenas is a delicate one. I have also come to realise that residing in just one is both impossible and ineffective. So where should our headspace be? When do we give time to history? When do we look ahead to where we are going? When do we engage with the present?

The complexity of this dynamic can be tricky. The beauty, however, is that it gives us the best opportunity to truly lead. Because it’s actually all about context, isn’t it? When we spend time in anyone of these three zones and at the same time completely ignore the other two we enter a danger zone. For example, if your vision yields the history irrelevant, I think you missed it.

You have a vision for what you lead. What you lead has history. What you lead has factors influencing it right now. Plus there’s vision. Enter the tension. Some of it rubs you up the wrong way. Some of it you love. BUT the fact is ‘it’ is bigger than ‘you’. Leading authentically is about engaging with ‘it’ first, then influencing that context with who ‘you’ are. ‘It’ needs you. ‘You’ serve it.

So where does this leave us? Most writings about the present refer to the natural tendency for leaders to worry about the future or dwell in past failures. That does not serve us or our teams. What we need is a different set of questions.

About the past...
• What has added value up until now that we would like to continually develop and leverage off?
• What has been ineffective or potentially damaging that we would like to shift away from?

(Basically what do we need more of and what do we need less of?!)

Let’s jump to the future...
• What could the future look like if what has been working well continues to grow?
• How does who I am & what I bring influence (serve) and enhance (add) to this?

(Basically if this thing grows and my strengths / dreams influence it as well where will we end up?!)

Then, back to the present...
• What do I need to be intentional about today?
• What distractions do I need to avoid?

(Basically how can I best make a difference with the time I have today?!)

‘You’ need to avoid becoming ‘it’ and ‘it’ cannot become ‘you’. If you lead, it means you are not alone. Communicate and ask these questions together. Listen. Learn. Feel it more than you think it. Because if you feel it, you are where you most need to be...

Present.

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Travis Gale has spent the last 5 years running his own development business in South Africa’s corporate world and is currently involved in various long term partnerships with clients across a number of industries. Furthermore he has travelled to conferences internationally hunting down latest trends and insights. Having cycled around the world and survived a tsunami, his passion for crossing borders often lends itself to an interesting blend of stories and insight. He sees himself as a ‘change catalyst’ and displays strength in facilitating insight into the right spaces. Find out more at www.appletreelive.com

Leading with Light

Matthew 5:13-16… You know this passage; it is the one where Jesus talks about us being salt and light. I love this scripture because it echoes a truth about God: He uses the unlikely to display His glory.

In this passage Jesus is speaking life to his disciples. We must understand who these men were because they were far from a qualified bunch. Jesus often got frustrated with them for their lack of understanding as they were ordinary men, with nothing major to show for themselves. In fact, in Acts 4:13, we read that Peter and John were unschooled, ordinary men. So it is these average men that Jesus is saying are the salt of the earth and the light of the world.

I don’t know about you, but I can relate to these guys. Sometimes as a leader I feel very unqualified, very ordinary. I often think if Jesus wanted to use someone to change the world it would not be me!

BUT do you want to know the story of why we are here? Do you want to know why God has given you your leadership gifting?

Here is: We are on a mission from God! Others like the ordinary disciples came before us, others will come after us... But this is our time. Either we are on this mission of continuing his life light through us, through our leadership, or you have no plan and purpose at all! We are ordinary people empowered to change our world...

You and only you may be the only chance that those who you have influence over will have to see the Light that gives life.

Jesus said we are the salt of the earth. Salt brings flavour, it enriches the eating experience! So God is wanting to use us to add flavour to the lives of those we have influence over, to enrich their life experience. We can love unconditionally and serve without agenda. God has placed certain people around you by no accident, and by loving unconditionally and serving without agenda, we can add flavour to their lives.

Jesus also said we are light. He has lit the light in you, and He has placed you on a certain stand (that stand is your family, work, friends…) and HE wants that light in you to shine all around you! Where things are looking dark, you can bring God’s light into others situation through serving, loving and just being present for them. You see, the light is from God, and he is wanting to use us as vessels to shine His light, so that God may be glorified! We can show people a new way of living.

I encourage you, especially as a leader, to be open to him using you. Don’t not cover up His light, or only shine some of the time - God is wanting to use us all the time. Let’s be open to his leading us. Let’s ask him to use us always!
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Don Muller has spent the last 4 years working into corporate and church leadership development and training both locally and internationally. He has a passion for and works towards seeing individuals live out their strengths and calling daily.

The Slob and the Nag

I recently worked with a group of leaders within the retail industry in Johannesburg. I was again reminded of the story of the Slob and the Nag as I worked with them. As always, the model seems to challenge those who hear it.

There was once a psychologist who had a woman come to see him.

“My husband is a slob.” she exclaimed. “He gets home, sits on his lazy boy, drinks his beer and plays with his remote” she continued, visibly frustrated and hurt at the absence of a loving husband.

The psychologist approaches the husband.

“What!” he shouts, “that woman is a nag! she nag’s all the time...” he explains.

The vicious cycle is apparent. The more he slobs the more she nags. The more she nags, the more he slobs. So who must change?

The males usually say the nag and the females say the slob! They eventually settle on the answer that it is in fact both who must change.

My next questions is - ‘who must change first?’

To which we continue our debate on the role of husbands and wives in marriage...

The answer is the nag must change first.

Why?

Because she went to the psychologist in the first place. The nag is the one who is being affected most by the slob nag dynamic between her and her husband. The consequences are therefore greater for her if she does not change. She is affected by the problem.

That is sometimes the upside down nature of leadership. Often there is an issue you face which may be ‘someone else’s fault’. Your logic and your actions are that that person must change. You become the nag and they become the slob. So who must change?

How difficult is it to be the initiator of change in situations where you feel wronged? In those moments you naturally ask yourself why you should change. It simply is not fair.

You change first because you value yourself. You change first because you are affected by the problem and that has consequences for you. You change because no matter what the context you are a leader.

The nag has few choices. Take away the TV. Take away the lazy boy. Have a honest conversation... all of which may yield no results. The trick is to be creative and never stop after one go!

Be creative as you attempt to shift the cycle. But remain positive and keep your eyes on the possibilities. For yourself and for those you impact.

The Art of Connecting

There is an old saying: To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others, use your heart.
What this saying is articulating is the art of connecting, and it is an extremely powerful leadership principal.

John C Maxwell, one of the most respected leadership gurus around today, has recently written a book entitled “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect”. In the book he argues that the most effective leaders have learned to move from mere communication to truly connecting with those they lead.

In order to understand this concept better, it is essential to identify the difference between communicating and connecting. In a recent workshop I was involved with, we were discussing this idea, and we came up with the following comparison:

Communicating:
• Disconnected from the other person’s emotions
• Is a daily activity
• The objective is to get my point of view across, and thus has a win/lose intent
• Involves passing on information, often by just telling the other party
• Often a set way of doing it and is clinical
• Is verbal (what you say)

Connecting:
• Seek to understand others point of view and emotions
• Relate to others where they are at
• Seeks a win/win outcome
• Seeks to build and facilitate trust
• Engage emotionally
• Involve others through care and help
• Is often non verbal (how you say it and your intent)
• Is a conscious choice, shows intent
• Is often dynamic, not a set way of doing it, and thus involves understanding the other party

A major difference between communicating and connecting is that in connecting you are aware of the other person’s point of view and self esteem. Effective leaders know that they first have to touch people’s hearts before they can ask for their trust and commitment. You can’t move people to action unless you first move them with emotion; the heart comes before the head!

In essence, it is all about the people. In my experience working in a corporate, the most effective leaders were those who really showed a genuine interest in who I was, my dreams and goals, and whose real intent was for me to truly succeed in the organisation. They were leaders that I had a connection with. As a result, I found myself going the extra mile, being positive about my work and the organisation, had a level of trust and felt appreciated. When leaders connect with those they lead, everyone succeeds.

This also reminded me of the way Jesus led. Jesus communicated some of the most powerful words in history, but he was also the master of connecting. He spent time teaching and investing into his twelve disciples. He dedicated His life for others and he displayed unconditional love even to the point of death so that others may live. His selfless devotion and love causes a connection that produces a response.

I’m convinced that those who connect take their relationships, their work and their lives to another level. I encourage you seek to connect and make a difference!
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Don Muller has spent the last 4 years working into corporate and church leadership development and training both locally and internationally. He has a passion for and works towards seeing individuals live out their strengths and calling daily.