There is an old saying: To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others, use your heart.
What this saying is articulating is the art of connecting, and it is an extremely powerful leadership principal.
John C Maxwell, one of the most respected leadership gurus around today, has recently written a book entitled “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect”. In the book he argues that the most effective leaders have learned to move from mere communication to truly connecting with those they lead.
In order to understand this concept better, it is essential to identify the difference between communicating and connecting. In a recent workshop I was involved with, we were discussing this idea, and we came up with the following comparison:
Communicating:
• Disconnected from the other person’s emotions
• Is a daily activity
• The objective is to get my point of view across, and thus has a win/lose intent
• Involves passing on information, often by just telling the other party
• Often a set way of doing it and is clinical
• Is verbal (what you say)
Connecting:
• Seek to understand others point of view and emotions
• Relate to others where they are at
• Seeks a win/win outcome
• Seeks to build and facilitate trust
• Engage emotionally
• Involve others through care and help
• Is often non verbal (how you say it and your intent)
• Is a conscious choice, shows intent
• Is often dynamic, not a set way of doing it, and thus involves understanding the other party
A major difference between communicating and connecting is that in connecting you are aware of the other person’s point of view and self esteem. Effective leaders know that they first have to touch people’s hearts before they can ask for their trust and commitment. You can’t move people to action unless you first move them with emotion; the heart comes before the head!
In essence, it is all about the people. In my experience working in a corporate, the most effective leaders were those who really showed a genuine interest in who I was, my dreams and goals, and whose real intent was for me to truly succeed in the organisation. They were leaders that I had a connection with. As a result, I found myself going the extra mile, being positive about my work and the organisation, had a level of trust and felt appreciated. When leaders connect with those they lead, everyone succeeds.
This also reminded me of the way Jesus led. Jesus communicated some of the most powerful words in history, but he was also the master of connecting. He spent time teaching and investing into his twelve disciples. He dedicated His life for others and he displayed unconditional love even to the point of death so that others may live. His selfless devotion and love causes a connection that produces a response.
I’m convinced that those who connect take their relationships, their work and their lives to another level. I encourage you seek to connect and make a difference!
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Don Muller has spent the last 4 years working into corporate and church leadership development and training both locally and internationally. He has a passion for and works towards seeing individuals live out their strengths and calling daily.