I was hiking once with my dad up a particular pass that required us to climb up a chain ladder, a very steep chain ladder. I have always been extremely afraid of heights and the task that lay before me did not excite me in the slightest ... In fact, I was gripped by fear. So much so that I couldn't move. My Dad, understanding my phobia, put his hand on my shoulder, validated my fear and proceeded to explain how he would be right behind me, and that no danger would come my way if I just trusted him.
Sounds like a simple story, but to me I was able to face my fear and conquer a daunting situation thanks to the love, support, encouragement and belief of my Dad. I'm sure that if you had to think about it, you would also come up with a memory of when a parent, coach, sibling or friend did something similar in your life.
What my Dad modeled to me was true assertiveness.
My experience is that assertiveness is one of the most misunderstood and abused leadership tools. We often think it involves being strong, forceful, harsh or direct. It does start with the notion that we need to take people somewhere, but we can either inspire them or force them to move in the required direction. I think so much of assertiveness today, specifically in the corporate space, is about manipulating people. But is this truly leadership? I believe true leadership is about treating people as assets! Leaders don't destroy, they build and develop people.
A leader is a person with clarity, distinctiveness and can take people in the right direction - that is part being assertive!
So how do we achieve this? I believe being truly assertive and inspiring others involves considering two things: point of view (or perspective) and self esteem - for you and those you are leading. My dad understood my perspective of the chain ladder, that I saw an impossible task. He didn't knock my self esteem, but validated my fear. I thus felt safe and valued by him even though I was afraid. He shared his point of view, his direction, his counsel and experience. He was confident that we could both conquer the chain ladder! By him validating my point of view and self esteem made me open and willing to follow his. He didn't have to shout or yell or force me into following his way, he inspired me to.
Imagine if we could do the same with those we lead? Instead of manipulating people, what if we treated them as assets and strived to not destroy, but build and develop them.
In a situation where assertiveness in needed, what if we lead with clarity, distinctiveness and direction, all the while making others feel safe and valued? I think we would make a true difference in the lives of those we lead, just like my dad did in mine.
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Don Muller has spent the last 4 years working into corporate and church leadership development and training both locally and internationally. He has a passion for and works towards seeing individuals live out their strengths and calling daily.